Shame and Scandal in the Family

Looking for the daddy 404025

Over the years of working with men in therapy, I discovered that the issues that so often come up about careers or relationships could often be traced back, sooner or later, to the lack of relationship with their fathers. But even more striking than the obvious damage and wounds, is the repressed longing. Many men are love-starved for their fathers and fathers for their sons and deny it. What is possible between a father and son? What can men do with the array of untapped emotions that shield them from knowing themselves? The unexpressed hurt and anger often transfer onto our love relationships, parenting, challenges at work, and problems with authority. If we decide to tackle this wounded relationship in therapy, we will invariably encounter an array of painful childhood memories. We will experience waves of disappointment, rage, and grief at the loss of what we never had with our fathers. By bravely revealing and working through this boiling cauldron of emotion we may come to a meaningful resolution.

I hate even thinking about those times. It makes my heart ache. I feel guilty that I left her for four years and accepted a university scholarship hundreds of miles absent from home. She was only 1.

Allocate this article Share 'I admit it, my oldest son is my favorite because he can do more things. Words you put in print be able to not be taken back. I'm guessing you could look deep in the mirror and admit you have a favorite too' The stigma of bias, and the effect it can affect, has led many parents to vehemently deny they have a favourite adolescent, regardless of the truth. Victoria Pattison Denault of Toronto wrote on Mr Bishop's post: 'The key is not admitting it so none of the kids feel hurt and start resenting their other siblings. Is having a favorite the 'Voldemort' of parenting?


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